The causes that can trigger an autoimmune flare-up are multiple and difficult to control. From the obvious, such as stress, a tiring period, a virus, a change (of job, home, status, even a vacation, the change of season), to the chemical and hormonal changes in our body that we have no idea about, all of these can trigger longer or shorter, stronger or more bearable flare-ups.
Even now, after 34 years of ankylosing spondylitis, I don’t know exactly what triggers my flare-ups. During the first years of my illness, I was in a constant flare-up. Now, after I’ve been able to get rid of the pain and inflammation with the help of the gluten-free diet, I rarely have flare-ups. Sometimes I recognize the trigger. Like for example the dramatic hormonal change at the beginning of menopause, entering the cold season, a virus or an accidental contamination with gluten. Other times I have no idea what triggers my flares. But I’ve learned to recognize the early signs of a flare, and so take action before it gets too painful.
I read somewhere, a while ago, the expression “the mind lies to us”. I didn’t understand back then what it meant. Lately, though, I’ve been reading more about the connection between autoimmune diseases and psychological disorders. Thus, I began to perceive the first warning sign of a flare: a slightly depressed state. A slightly anxious perception of reality. The joy of the first moments of the day disappears, I need some effort not to look at the negative side of reality. All kinds of pessimistic reflections appear in my mind, everything seems useless and too tiring. I have learned to recognize this state of mind, which appears for no apparent reason, and to associate it with the first signs of inflammation. With the beginning of a flare-up.
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It has been scientifically proven that there is a vicious cycle between inflammation from autoimmune diseases, pain and mood disorders. They potentiate each other, regardless of which one appeared first, the others also appear. Childhood emotional trauma increases the chances of an autoimmune disease, and inflammation from autoimmune diseases also affects the brain, which, through specific mechanisms, triggers depression and anxiety. Knowing this, we take the first step towards realizing that these disorders are part of our disease, one of the symptoms. Just as inflammation triggers joint pain, excessive fatigue, and “brain fog,” it also triggers depression and anxiety. As if that weren’t enough, the medication can also cause mood disorders.
In the case of young people, the manifestations of depression and anxiety are somewhat sudden and noisy, so measures can be taken to stop or relieve them. But in the case of adults, the symptoms come on slowly, over a long period of time, and thus the stress becomes chronic and difficult to combat. Helplessness, despair, unjustified guilt, sense of worthlessness and self-hatred are hidden deep inside. Over time the feeling of giving up appears, because apparently there is no hope left.
The feeling of giving up is an adaptive mechanism. If felt for a short time, it has been shown to have a constructive, resting and regenerating, energy conserving activity. It’s ok to let go of control for a few hours, a day, two, to feel helpless and angry, not to keep it inside. Thus our body regenerates. But if we ignore those states and pull on us, fight what we feel, we risk perpetuating the disturbances. If we bury them in the subconscious, it does not mean that they are gone.
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The mind lies to us. How does it do that? It lies to us when we identify with psychic pain. When something hurts, that something takes priority. Both physically and mentally. When your leg hurts, you don’t notice the hands that support you more now, when you can’t use your painful leg. The same mechanism applies to mental pain. When you have mental pain it blinds you to what you have and can help you. When you’re depressed or anxious, affirmations or practicing gratitude can’t help you, because your mind is set on pain, helplessness, and self-rejection. Sometimes you can’t even look at your own reflection in the mirror. You will not believe that you are the wonder of the world or flourishing health even after 1000 repetitions of the affirmations.
But you can look around to see what you have and ignore it. Just notice, don’t feel guilty about not being grateful for everything you have. Just acknowledge them. Slowly but steadily, in addition to noticing the pain, notice something of what you have. A house, a job, a child, a partner, a comfortable bed, a soft cat, a sunny day, a plant by the window, a good phone to take pictures or listen to music with, a favorite food… Do a daily practice of rolling into your memory what you have. Every day add something, a “something” you have. Like a slow but steady exercise.
And after a while you will find that your mind has lied to you. That it has corrupted your soul to feel untrue things. It takes exercise, constant practice. How can you trick your mind instead of it tricking you? Learn how to feel.
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Emotions also come from the mind. I was amazed to learn this. I used to think that emotions come from the heart. But it is not true, emotions are triggered by the mechanisms of the mind. Only after learning this, after separating emotions from true perception of reality, from true feeling, was I able to know my mind. Now I know that not everything it says is true, and I also know that I am not my mind. Sometimes my mind and I get along, other times when I have a flare-up and the inflammatory markers are elevated, I fight it. But it’s an even fight. Because now I know that the mind lies to us sometimes.
