I am 52 years old and I have an autoimmune disease. I feel old age approaching, so this topic began to interest me more and more. Since the onset of menopause, a kind of female bogeyman, I began to notice changes in this direction.
Menopause
The first time I gained weight. Although I had managed to lose weight around age 42 and maintain it, in the first months after menopause I gained a few pounds. Then I had a very bad flare of spondylitis, when the inflammatory markers skyrocketed and the pain was to match. I never had any skin problems, but then brown spots started to appear and elasticity started to lose, and wrinkles to multiply rapidly. And hot flashes… are a delight 😊.
I became depressed seeing so many rapid changes. In my head there was something like: ok, the changes are starting, but they will happen gradually, almost imperceptibly. And I didn’t expect the decline to be so steep. I have been sitting around for a while, feeling sorry for myself, then took action. To begin with, I kept AIP for a while. Thus, I got out of the spondylitis flare and lost weight. I started using a face cream with SPF50, and so no more brown spots appeared. I got physically afloat.
The mental part
The first step was to realize that I am not the only one to whom menopause “happens”. All women go through it, none escapes 😊. Although very few feel comfortable talking about it, as if it is a great shame to be menopausal. If more women talked about their experience with menopause, it wouldn’t seem so strange, so difficult and so shameful to be in this normal stage of life. Femininity does not lie in the monthly bleeding, but is nested much deeper within us. Femininity is characterized by creation, and a woman’s creation is not only the child, but especially the nest. You can create a child without being feminine enough to create a nest, and you can create a nest without creating a child.
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With maturity comes wisdom. As a woman, you are no longer conditioned by monthly hormonal fluctuations and the days when you had to take care of yourself physically, stay longer in bed, curled up, wrapped in a soft blanket. You become more like a man 😊. You make decisions based more on reason and experience, not on estrogen-induced emotions. But intuition remains, which men do not have. Nothing can counter female intuition, that gut feeling that is not based on logic, but on something much deeper.
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I started practicing gratitude. My way, not the way others say. Menopause can mean much worse changes than what happened to me. Sure, other unwanted changes may come from now on, but I’ll deal with them like I dealt with the first wave of changes. Now I feel good physically. I don’t have pain anymore, I don’t gain weight anymore, I sleep relatively well, my body works well. I am grateful for all of this, for today, for the peace, for the space I was given to take care of myself.
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I pay attention to my body, I’m gentle with myself, I don’t impose draconian rituals and measures on myself, but I’m not lazy either. If someone says: it would be good to do this and that, if it takes too much effort, I don’t do it. If it doesn’t fit naturally into my life, I don’t do it. I feel so good that I learned to say “no” firmly, and when I say “yes” I do it with all my heart, and I’m happy to help, to offer my best. And I know that others feel that I am giving out of joy, not obligation. Someone said: duty is not love. I felt these words hit me directly in the heart. Yes, love is when you give without obligation and without expecting anything in return.
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I exercise. I don’t know if I do a lot or a little exercise, but what I do, I do with pleasure. What I do, I walk daily and do physical therapy exercises at home. My body feels good like this. If I feel like doing something else, I will. I would like to swim, but I don’t have a swimming pool nearby. Constant movement is vital for women in their second youth 😊, so we need to find a way to introduce it naturally into our lives. Not as an obligation, but as a joy to let the body frolic. Climbing stairs, doing squats, walking the dog, gardening, admiring the sunset in the park, riding a bike… We need muscles, they are more important in the economy of our body than we realize. Not just for movement, but for all metabolic processes in the body.
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I strive to cultivate friendship. Yes, here I’m making an effort. I’m kind of a lonely person. And I have my space well defined and I don’t feel comfortable having it violated. I have a good friend who is in the same stage of life and has the same philosophy of life as me. We meet periodically, go on vacations with our families, talk about our joys, sorrows and frustrations. Meeting with her is like weekly mutual therapy. And I have a few girlfriends, younger than me, whom I see or talk to less often, but I do it with joy. I appreciate everyone who approaches me with interest or kindness. And I enjoy people as much as my solitary nature allows.
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I am looking for balance in everything I do. I don’t make an obsession for a “healthy” diet, I eat foods that I like in moderation. The only foods excluded are gluten, artificial sweeteners and vegetable oils (except olive and coconut oils). I drink a glass of wine in the evening sometimes. Rarely I eat products from the supermarket, I prepare most of my meals myself, from whole foods. I like salads, vegetables, but I also like meat. If I were to speak from a technical point of view, my diet is an AIP with some reintroductions.
I don’t insist in wanting something, if it works, fine, if not, fine again. Life is beautiful anyway 😊.
I am preparing for a beautiful old age.
I have seen many people physically and mentally tormented by old age. Like menopause, old age is inevitable. It’s coming, we can’t stop it. Just as we make our bed each night for sleep, with soft sheets, comfortable pillows and seasonal blankets, so let’s prepare our Being for old age. Let’s grow old gracefully, without great pain and without frustration. I have seen mean and gossipy old people, tormented by pains they don’t know how to manage, always waiting for something and someone to come save them and take care of them. It doesn’t even occur to them to give something, a kind word, a benevolent advice from their life experience, a smile, a caress. They just ask for something and throw venom.
It’s shocking for me to see something like this, to feel their pain and suffering. And at the same time it is an invaluable life lesson. I’m still not completely over the fear of old age, but I’m working on it. What I am doing is to actively prepare my body and soul. I search through the recesses of my Being for fears to bring to the surface. It’s hard, but I don’t want to live in unconsciousness anymore. When I ignore or put something off, there is a trauma. When someone else’s actions or feelings arouse strong emotions in me, there is a trauma. We all have traumas, bigger or smaller, I am not unique and unrepeatable. And again, just like menopause, we hide it. We want to look good. Yes, to “look”, not to “be”. We want to appear perfect in the eyes of others. In our eyes. And hiding these traumas, we end up like the old people I’m talking about. Without a bit of life in their eyes, seeing only evil around, always waiting for something that never comes, full of pain.
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Just as I overcame menopause, I will also overcome entering the last stage of life. I smile when I see menopause advice from young female doctors, influencers or therapists. Hey… you have no idea. “Technical” advice doesn’t help much. More would help the advice of women who have already entered this stage of life. As many women as possible to come out and tell what they felt. Because it feels different for every woman, there is no one-size-fits-all technical sheet.
And about the approaching old age… I am ready to listen to advice from bright old people, alive in look and action, who value every moment, not as if it were the last, but because they value life in its entirety, with good and bad, with plenty and with shortages.
