Yesterday I went to the supermarket and bought a bit more stuff than I feel comfortable carrying. I left the store and headed for the nearby crosswalk. The road is a few km away from the highway exit and I know that drivers find it difficult to adapt to the fact that the highway has ended and they have to reduce their speed not to 50km/h, as allowed in inhabited areas, but even less than that, because a properly signposted pedestrian crossing is approaching. But human nature makes it harder for them to take their shoe off the gas pedal, so pedestrians have to be very careful at that crosswalk.
I embarked on the crossing, attentive to the only car approaching, a Logan with taxi plates and traces of the better life it had probably had some 20 years ago. I was moving a little slower than the taxi driver would have liked. No matter how young, lithe and spry I look…I’m not. Well, I had a heavy bag and worn sacroiliac joints. I forced him to brake. I didn’t rush in front of him, I had left a safe distance to the point of collision, in case we both stubbornly wanted to cross at the same time. I showed no signs of stopping to let him pass, so he had to brake.
His window was open. Old car, probably at the time of its construction, air conditioning had not yet been invented. I had headphones on, I was listening to “From the Secrets of Life and the Universe”, so whatever he shouted at my back hung in the air, like a dirty bag hanging from a poplar tree. I waved my finger at him. No, not the middle finger as you might be inclined to think, but the thumb. I approved him. I agreed with him. I hope this helped him to calm down, to feel good on that wonderful morning, as I did.
*
It often happens to me that I am apostrophized by drivers at the pedestrian crossing. I don’t look like a grandmother who has every right to move slowly, so my slowness is interpreted as carelessness, to put it elegantly. The attitude of those drivers is like a lesson to me. Not to judge others. I don’t know what others are like, what life situation, what ailments they have. I don’t know if they feel loved or if they have someone who loves them. I don’t know if they ate, what they ate, what education they have.
However some people may look or however abominable the deed they are accused of, it is not my place to judge. There are courts far more entitled than me to do that, here on Earth, or above us. I try not to burden my conscience with judgments, intolerance, gossip and anger. I know I don’t always succeed, I’m human too. When I am judged by others, I ask forgiveness from myself, because I am still on the same frequency with them, and I do what I can to correct myself.
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I will tell another incident that proves that if we do not go beyond our comfort and interests, things can degenerate. We always get what we send out. If we think we’re Zen and good people, and life brings us people who bully us in some way, we’re not really that good.
The roadway and sidewalks are being rehabilitated on our street. You know how it is, dust, noise and jagged nerves. All summer it was like this, with slight breaks on Sundays. In addition to the noise inherent in this never-ending work, there is also that of the workers. Who vocalize (i.e. howl at each other), make a form of family constellations (i.e. refer to origins), and teach mid-body anatomy and physiology lessons (i.e…. you get the idea).
A few days ago I was returning home, flattened by the heat. With headphones on. The workers had blocked off a section of the street and stretched a thin wire somewhere, just above the ground, probably as a marker. That thread was almost invisible, unmarked by anything. They shouted at me to pay attention, but I had headphones on. “From the Secrets of Life and the Universe”, of course. I stumbled. “Well, if you walk down the street with headphones…”. I got angry. “It’s my business how I walk on the street, it’s your business to signal your works properly”.
*
I got home and analyzed the incident. I came to the following conclusions. It wasn’t a momentary rage. The day before they had paved the last layer of asphalt in front of my house. The house was shaking and chunks of lime even fell from the walls. They started before 7am with a series of yelling and swearing. I forced myself not to react, to keep calm. I apparently succeeded, but it seems that it was a false calm. Anger built up in me and erupted the next day, following the incident in question.
I got angry because I only saw things from my point of view. I only apparently tolerated the activity taking place beyond my fence. I didn’t go beyond my comfort zone. It is not easy for them to work with hot asphalt in 38-degree (100 F) heat. That’s why they started before 7 o’clock, it was a little cooler. Studies show that in heatwaves, people and animals become more aggressive. That’s why they were more agitated than usual and neglected some safety measures. They warned me vocally. What were the chances of a deaf person or someone listening to audio books walking by? I received what I sent. Intolerance and misunderstanding.
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Allow me for 5 lines, to speak on behalf of people with autoimmune diseases. You know what it’s like to be judged, don’t you? That you don’t look sick, that yesterday you could, today why can’t you, that you are so picky… You know. So why do you judge? When you complain that you are not understood, why do you not understand others? People with autoimmune diseases, let’s do the work of understanding and forgiveness. From forgiveness begins healing.
Let’s understand that the world does not revolve around us and no one is obliged to please us. Let us give thanks when we receive something and walk away without scandal when we do not. No one is obliged to give us anything: neither the state, nor the government, nor the employer, nor the parents, nor the children. We can get angry or sad when we don’t receive something, but let us know that no one is obliged to give.
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Human laws say that it is “our right” to cross on the pedestrian crossing, and for cars to stop. If that doesn’t happen, what do we do? Shall we break the driver’s car window? Shall we curse him? No. It’s a minor incident, it’s not worth ruining our day with something like that. We must be careful when we cross, just as we are careful every minute we walk down the street, not to hit a pothole, trip over an invisible wire, or step in garbage. The concept of “justice” in this case is irrelevant. Do you want to be right or do you want to mind your own business and the beautiful day you have?
With our mind and soul freed from judgment and external turmoil, we can begin to do what is best for us, seek cures for our ailments, attract good people like us, sleep well at night and smile during the day. We can enjoy life.
