Someone with an autoimmune disease told me that on the path of evolution and improvement, he fights his flaws. That he has a well-established daily schedule, by points and hours, like an engineer, but that it’s very tiring and frustrating, because he doesn’t always manage to do everything on his schedule, and he asked me how I do it, that everything seems very easy to me. I replied that I no longer struggle with my flaws, but turn them into assets.
We think we have qualities and we have flaws because that’s how we were brought up. If we shine through our qualities and we can do things easily, flaws come to us as naturally, but we are ashamed of them and spend a lot of energy to remove or hide them. Sometimes we miss important moments in life not because of our flaws, but because of our opinion of those flaws.
Assets, not flaws
But what if we turn those flaws not into qualities, but into assets? Remember Cindy Crawford and her famous mole? Or Marilyn Monroe and her languid look that was actually due to her failing eyesight? Or Jennifer Beals who, after “perfecting” her nose, became anonymous again after shining in “Dirty Dancing”? When we do not assume our whole Being, with qualities and flaws, we are not in balance, and because we are ashamed of our flaws we become depressed, anxious, aggressive, or we close ourselves between the walls of emotion, not letting anyone in. We will be afraid that others will see our faults, leave us, gossip about us or take advantage of us. And we will be envious of others who have the opposite of what we see as our flaws. What if we thought of flaws as natural things to use as we use qualities?
I am very shy. When I was a child I couldn’t even say my name in public. Very shy. I envied people who spoke freely and naturally, and I saw myself as a loser for not being able to do the same. Now I have turned envy, a negative emotion, into admiration, a positive emotion that brings me joy. I admire people who express themselves fluently and authentically in front of an audience, and I learn a lot from them. And I channeled my desire for communication primarily into writing. Because I know that I have a lot to say, that I am an open person, and when I talk to people, they tell me that my shyness exudes authenticity. I no longer run away from people, I no longer envy and I no longer compare myself to anyone. I have a voice and I use it as I know best.
We are not defective
To answer the question posed at the beginning: I was also setting a rigorous schedule, with many points on the list, and I got frustrated every time, because I couldn’t complete all those tasks. The days were a continuous battle with myself, that list was a source of dissatisfaction, all day I was on the run, and in the evening I fell flat. There was definitely something left undone on the list, so I didn’t even have the joy of the completed task. My “flaw” is that I am very slow, especially physically. While I peel an onion, someone else finishes the soup 😊. That’s it, the illness has slowed me down. I can’t change this slowness of mine, I got frustrated, I whipped myself, I got angry… and I didn’t solve anything. Now I do it like this: I have one major thing on my daily list, around which I build my schedule. That thing is the priority of the day and must be done. The rest of the work must be based on that priority.
You can’t fight yourself all your life. You cannot hide your essence for long. These things consume a lot of energy. Accept yourself as you are, with all your characteristics. We have been taught to think dually, it’s good or bad. In my case, society has taught me since childhood that it’s good to be hardworking, to move quickly, to do many things, quickly and well, not to sit (remember the saying: don’t sit, or your luck will sit?). If you move slowly, take breaks, and can’t multitask, you’re considered lazy, a major flaw. You are labeled a “reject”. The same if you are shy. If you have an autoimmune disease. If you are an alcoholic. Egocentric. Disorganized. Lonely. Forgetful. Insubordinate.
You are not a reject, these are not flaws, they are characteristics that you can use for your growth and to help others, to contribute to the good and beauty of the world.
